MAKING IT THROUGH THE HOLIDAYS!

by Minister Bill Butterfield, Williamsburg Church of Christ
“I won’t be doing any celebrating during the holidays this year!” “I miss Jack so much and I don’t know how I will survive Thanksgiving and Christmas!” “I won’t be going out with the couples at church this year for our annual holiday dinner, I just can’t!” These and other similar statements are going to be heard hundreds of times in the next few weeks and each time they will be made by someone experiencing their first holiday season without that “special loved one.” It may be a man who was married to his high school sweetheart for more than fifty years. It could be a child grieving over the death of a beloved parent. Some friends will endure the sadness of not sharing the holidays with a lifelong friend. Making it through the holidays takes on many forms, but one thing is constant in that each will be trying to survive!

For nearly fifty years, this writer has shared the above experiences with hundreds of people. In a ministry that has touched the lives of thousands, one cannot help but be personally touched by the sorrow felt by many. It has been my experience that beginning in early November of each year there are those who begin to think about the holidays. The time when family and friends get together to share the joy of the season with one another. The period when smiles that stretch from ear to ear are seen on the faces of most. It is the season when beautiful and cheerful cards are shared with those who are the dearest to us. But, when you are trying to survive, none of the above has any special meaning.

I saw a need years ago to provide some source of strength for those who wanted to make the best of the festive occasions enjoyed by so many. People who did not want to be the cause of others missing the joy of the season came to me and asked if I could help them make it through the holidays without their loved one. It was difficult for me because I had not experienced such a tragic loss, therefore, I had a hard time empathizing with them, but I knew I had to help. In this article I would like to share with you some insights that I have gained from many sources and experiences.

EXPECT THIS HOLIDAY SEASON TO BE A DIFFICULT ONE! Forewarning one of the difference there is going to be this year during the holidays is crucial. One should not go into the season thinking that they will have the same feelings this year as they have had in previous years. It is not going to be that way and no one can make it that way! When the family gathered for Thanksgiving dinner and the chair always occupied by Gramps was filled by someone else, it was traumatic for some. I know of those who leave an empty chair at the table to remind them of the departed, but then the decision has to be made when do we stop remembering Grandma with an empty seat. Dad or Mom are gone to their eternal rest and will not return this year or next year or any year. Expect a child to say something about the absent loved one because they still may not understand what has happened. Don’t shush them because they need to talk about the way they feel. They are not meaning to be hurtful, but are processing their feelings in the only what they know. When that loved one’s favorite food is passed by you, it is going to be painful…just expect it. For a long time scents, foods, people, and a myriad of other things will remind you of your personal loss. If you expect these things to happen, it will be easier to deal with them when they occur. Trust me, they will happen!

DON’T ISOLATE YOURSELF FROM THE SEASON’S JOY! There is going to be a strong tendency to keep yourself from enjoying the “reason for the season.” It will not seem right to sing, laugh and celebrate when your loss is still so fresh. You are going to think that it would be disrespectful for you to continue the holiday traditions that you shared with the deceased. The feeling of loss is going to become very keen again, much like it was immediately after their passing. This is the time that you should “honor” the memory of that loved one by keeping those special traditions. Don’t cancel the Christmas breakfast because it will be too hard on everyone…continue it! Use it as a time to honor John or Mary. Be honest in your answer to the question, “What would they want us to do about getting together?” You know what they would want you to do…so do it! One thing you need to expect is that when the “couples” get together for their annual night out, they are going to struggle with inviting you. They want you to come, but they are not sure that you will enjoy being the only one without a “date.” Make the first move. Ask them if the night out is still on because you would like to go, too. Don’t excuse yourself because you will alone alone. Maybe it is the time for you to ask that friend to go with you. The holidays are meant to be enjoyed…enjoyed by everyone, including you!

START NEW HOLIDAY TRADITIONS! That first Christmas after the passing of a loved one is a time of transition in so many ways. It is an excellent time to begin a new family tradition or a new group tradition. Maybe it is time to have Christmas dinner on Christmas eve, instead of noon on Christmas day. It might be a good time to go out to eat at that new restaurant that you always wanted to visit. Maybe Thanksgiving’s baton needs to be passed on to the children’s family because you know at some point it will have to happen. Why not make the decision now to pass the joy of hosting such a tradition to that son’s or daughter’s family? Now that Grandpa is no longer able to be the “life of the party,” allow the children to be the center of attention. Grandpa would like this! Allow Suzie to be in charge of picking out and fixing the turkey for Thanksgiving. The “new family traditions” that can begin during the upcoming holidays are only limited by our ability to imagine new ways to celebrate old holidays.

EMPHASIZE THE “REASON FOR THE SEASON!” I am not responsible for deciding what the holidays mean to you and your family. I would not want that responsibility…never! Whether you see these last few weeks of the each year as a time of spiritual renewal or a time for strengthening the family, it does not really matter. What matters is that whatever the “reason for the season” in your heart that it be emphasized a bit more this year than in previous years. If it is a time that has been used to remember the gift of Jesus, then make that paramount in your celebration. If decorating the house has been important, then decorate it like never before. If the holidays represent family, then this year is the year to discover new ways of bringing the family together as a loving unit.

The above thoughts are just four among many, but maybe they will be enough to spur you to think of unique and exciting ways to survive the holidays. Remember, you will survive! After the first of the year when things get back to normal, you will be amazed at how well you have done. The key is going to be in the amount of energy that is put forth to make it a wonderful holiday season. It will not be exactly the same, but that does not mean it cannot be the happiest you have ever enjoyed…you will just enjoy it differently! Understand that others have not had the same experiences during the year you have had and they will be cautious not to offend you. Make it easy on them by being the one that recognizes that things are different now, but things are still fine. You taking the initiative in this will make it much easier on others and on you.

My prayer for all of us is that we will have the happiest of holidays!

Minister Bill Butterfield – Minister for 46 years; Worked with local Church of Christ since 1997; married for 45 years, two sons, one daughter-in-law and three grandchildren; Graduate of Abilene Christian University – B.S.; M.S. – Christian education;

ASSEMBLY SCHEDULE
SUNDAYS: 9:30 am: Worship • 11:15 am: Bible Study • 6:30 pm: Worship
(a children’s Training For Worship class is available during the morning sermon)
WEDNESDAYS: 10 am & 7 pm: Bible Study

SEASONAL EVENTS
“The Star Of Christmas” – Sunday, December 19, 2010 – 5 p.m. – 7 p.m. – A “historical and biblical documentary” on the “Star Of Bethlehem.” Full length film and discussion period following;

Christmas Ornament Exchange – Sunday, December 12, 2010 – immediately following morning assembly (approx. 12 (noon);

During Holiday Season all regular services held at normal times

Williamsburg Church of Christ
227 Merrimac Trail
Williamsburg, Virginia 23185
757-253-5662
http://www.williamsburgchurchofchrist.org/