Learning to Build Connection
Learning to Build Connection
By Madeline Vann, M.Ed., NCC, resident in counseling at White Cloud Therapeutic Services, LLC
Finding ways to connect and belong are a critical part of our health and happiness. And yet, so many people are struggling with the feeling of being disconnected and alone – even in a family or a community setting. Sadly, for some, these feelings of being lonely or disconnected (or empty or abandoned) can be so uncomfortable that they may begin to do things, such as drinking more alcohol, using more substances, harming themselves, gambling, gaming, or staying in unhealthy relationships or situations. Suicide is one of the most tragic end points of feeling disconnected, alone, and as if you do not belong anywhere or with any group.
The irony is that the unhealthy ways people may choose in order to try to feel less lonely or disconnected can actually drive people further away and build a solid wall of isolation and loss of belonging. And for those of us who encounter a person whose loneliness or disconnection is overwhelming, it can be challenging to continue to reach out to them and make space for them in our lives and communities during these times – even though that is what they most need.
Therapy is a warm and welcoming place to begin to explore loneliness and disconnection, and start to find ways to connect and belong. Working on these feelings individually, as a couple or family, or in a support group provides a safe, confidential space to face our emotional dragons, grow, practice some new skills, and build more connections.
Sometimes building our sense of connection and belonging is as seemingly simple as committing to be more present in conversations with people we encounter in our days, volunteering to help out with an organization we care about, or reaching out to someone we haven’t spoken to in a while. In couples and families, therapy can help build connection through play, cooperative games, shared activities, improving communication, and finding ways that the couple or family can commit to a shared value together. For example, a family that is passionate about cooking and hospitality may want to become more involved with activities in their community that are around food and celebration.
On a very serious note – if you or someone you love is thinking about suicide, please contact 9-1-1 for immediate emergency response, call a Suicide Hotline (1-800-273-8255) or text “Home” to 741-741 for text-based support. There are also a number of online resources and supports available, including To Write Love on Her Arms (
www.twloha.org). Military members and veterans may want to be involved with or reach out through the Objective Zero (www.objectivezero.org) program, which is committed to preventing and reducing suicide in that community through connection.
For information about White Cloud Therapeutic Services or to schedule an appointment with a clinician, visit us online at www.whitecloudtherapy.com or call 757-503-7917. If you are looking for counseling sessions, Madeline Vann is taking new patients as of article publish date. Madeline Vann, M.Ed., CSAC, NCC, is a resident in counseling at White Cloud Therapeutic Services, working with individuals, couples, and families.
Article was written and sponsored by Madeline Vann, NCC, M.Ed. at White Cloud Therapeutic Services
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